Happy Birthday- You have cancer!

March 18, 2016



Two days of worrying, wondering, and feeling the lump. No one knew I was expecting a phone call. I had my volume turned up high the entire day and was constantly checking to see if I had a missed call. It was nearing the end of the business day so I assumed that it wouldn’t be until Monday to hear about my results. I was at the gym, working out with two of my good friends Steph and Brit, we call ourselves the “She Squad,“ I’m not sure if we do more working out or gossiping when were together- either way  it’s always a good time well spent.  Then I felt my phone vibrating, when I looked down and noticed the 888 number, I contemplated even answering the phone for fear of what they had to say. Here I had been waiting all day for the call to come through and now I didn’t want to answer it.



'She Squad' moments before I got the results.



The phone call only lasted a couple minutes: enough for the lady to say that my results of my biopsy came back positive and rattled off the cancer I had and when my next appointment was. I remember only letting a few tears out before trying to find a piece of paper to write my appointment down. They didn’t ask if I was alone or if it was a good time (but then again- when is it ever a good time to be told you have cancer) they just gave me news that has changed my life for forever and hung up the phone. Yes, I was diagnosed with the second leading cause of death the day before I turned 23. The first two people who knew about my life altering news was Steph and Brit, and they did an amazing job at sidetracking me long enough to finish our work out and get me on my way home.

Birthday lunch with Mom the day after diagnosis.

Nothing. There is absolutely nothing in this world that you can do to prepare yourself to hear the words you have cancer. In fact, when you’re a single recent college graduate you think you have the world in the palm of your hands- you can do anything, well anything within your credit card limit I suppose. It’s like you’re watching TV and the power goes off, you’re sitting alone in the dark with your own thoughts-and that can be the scariest thing imaginable. Even though I was diagnosed; the reality of it all, had not ‘hit me’ yet. I was so naive about how truly life changing this experience was going to be.

So, what type of cancer do I have? I was diagnosed with Stage 2 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC), approximately 1.3CM, Estrogen Receptor (ER) 91%, Progesterone Receptor (PgR) 87% and HER2+. That’s a mouth full, right? IDC is the most common type of breast cancer diagnosis, including men. IDC means that the cancer started in my milk ducts and had started to spread to the surrounding breast tissue. Over time, invasive ductal carcinoma can spread to the lymph nodes and possibly to other areas of the body. Thankfully, to a later MRI, I had no lymph node involvement.  I’m also triple positive (ER/PR/HER2), meaning my cancer is also fueled by the hormones estrogen and progesterone and a growth-promoting protein called HER2/neu. IDC is only 1 of the 14 types of breast cancer.

Read More about IDC: http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/types/idc

Read More about the different types of breast cancer: http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/types.

So, who do you tell and when? Whoever and whenever is the answer to that. I told my parents. I told my siblings over the phone that weekend.  I told my bosses the following Monday that were super supportive and have been throughout my entire treatment. I told my closest friends and family through a mass message because I personally did not want to tell twenty different people that I have cancer twenty different times. You aren’t mandated to tell anyone, although, if you have been recently diagnosed I hope that you have an amazing support system to turn to—USE THEM! When I was first diagnosed I didn’t really want people to know, they were going it figure out sooner or later by themselves anyways. Also, for those who have been recently diagnosed, the first couple of months are the hardest dealing with people- that’s the one and only downfall of having an amazing support system and a group of people that care so much about you! It was amazing to know that so many people cared about me and wanted to know how I was doing and if I needed anything, but updating everyone can be overwhelming- it will seem like your phone is constantly going off, but that’s only temporary. Once the initial shock of you being diagnosed wears off, it calms down.

 

Just remember that this only temporary. Your life has just been flipped upside down. You have lots of questions, and not knowing the answers is scary. Not knowing what is going to happen next is even scarier. Cancer just came in like a tornado on your life ransacking all the future plans you had. No, it’s not fair. However, I do know that your life is not over. This will be the toughest year of your life without a doubt, but it’s only one year. One miserable, frustrating, challenging, annoying, depressing, sick year out of a magnificent and beautiful life that is ahead of you once you kick cancers' ass.

 

 

 

 

Ultrasounds, Mammograms, and Biopsies- OH MY!

It took almost a month to make an appointment.  It took a month of closet feeling my breast-- a month of worrying. I was probably touching my lump a hundred times a day to see if it had changed at all. I was even probably doing it in public and not even noticing.

March 4, 2016- Working a full time job and two part time jobs, it’s incredibly hard to find a mutually convenient time in your schedule to make a doctor’s appointment without having to call off of work.  I went to the walk in clinic and I was informed they did not do anything related to breast lumps or pain. However, after expressing my scheduling conflicts a sweet nurse and doctor did an examination on me and referred me to get an ultrasound done. Which I ended up having to reschedule due to work reasons.

March 11, 2016- I finally got an appointment that worked with my work schedule. An emergency room case came in resulting in me sitting in the waiting room for two hours. I couldn’t attend the appointment, because a case was coming into the center and I needed to get back to work.

March 16, 2016- I was the first patient to be seen. They did an ultrasound first.

An ultrasound uses sound waves to produce pictures of the inside of the body. It’s a pretty painless procedure, although there is some pressure, and it was a tad bit uncomfortable when they examined around the lump. They took what seemed to be like 1,000 images, which when you’re lying on an exam table with your arms above your head, in a gown that has been worn by several hundred woman, your mind can only race to all the things that could possibly be wrong with you. They wanted to do a mammogram to clarify whatever they saw on the ultrasound screen. A mammogram?! Aren’t those for old ladies? (Compared to my age yes- women are recommended to start getting mammograms at the age of 40). I’ve only been told horror stories about how much it hurts to get your boobs ‘squished’ in this machine, and at this point I was terrified. I texted my mom and let her know that they wanted to do the mammogram, to which she started to worry.

Mammograms are x-ray exams of the breast. They are most often used to screen for breast cancer in women who have no symptoms. Mammograms and other breast imaging tests can also be used in women who have breast symptoms, such as a lump or pain, or who have a suspicious change seen on a screening mammogram.  The machine has 2 plates that compress or flatten the breast to spread the tissue apart not entirely painful, just uncomfortable and a lot of pressure. They put markers or stickers on you that are designed to show up on the mammogram, without hiding any breast tissue. They adhere to the surface of the skin and mark out and help locate a spot, such as nipples or if/where the lump is. Read More about Mammograms Here: (http://www.cancer.org/healthy/findcancerearly/examandtestdescriptions/mammogramsandotherbreastimagingprocedures/mammograms-and-other-breast-imaging-procedures-toc)

As the nurse positioned my breast up on the glass, tears ran down my face. I couldn’t wipe the tears away, because you have to stand perfectly still to get the best image possible. I joked with the nurse apologizing that my 36B’s weren’t bigger and she said that it doesn’t matter what size your breasts are.  The mammogram images must not have proven better news as they ordered a biopsy of the lump. By this time my step-father Wade had showed up to be with me so I wasn’t alone.

A biopsy removes cells or tissue from the suspicious area of the breast. I had a needle biopsy which uses a hollow needle to remove samples of tissue or cells from the breast.  The cells or tissue are studied under a microscope to see if cancer is present. When they explain the procedure it sounds like it’s going to hurt, however, the only real pain I felt with it is the numbing shot they give before they took the sample. The sound of the samples being taken almost sounds like a piercing gun. I only felt one of the seven samples they took. They give you little ice packs that fit comfortable in your bra. To reduce bruising they tell you to apply pressure-awkward.  It will bruise, and be sore for a while. Read More about biopsies here: http://ww5.komen.org/BreastCancer/Biopsies.html

After the samples were collected the doctor came back in and said that the hospital would call with the results in approximately two days. I remember asking “Resulting what? If I have… cancer?” That word chilled me to the bone and I instantly started crying. However, the doctor said to not worry because I’m so young the chances of it actually being cancer are slim to none—ha. So I left the hospital and went to work, applying pressure to my breast for the remainder of the day.

Advice: Don’t let your ego get in your way. If something is not right with you, make yourself first priority and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. <3

Dear Monday: Go step on a Lego

February 22, 2016---Monday.

The Mondayest Monday that could have ever Mondayed. I got up early like I normally did on Monday's. Mondays before being diagnosed were the longest days of the week. I'd start the day being at the gym at 6AM for a workout, followed by my job as a family advocate, then I'd go work second shift as a correctional officer. Mondays were long and I spent most of my Sunday, like most, dreading that the weekend was over and that the worst day of the week was a wake up away. However, this Monday proved to be completely different. This Monday, my life changed, the change just was not confirmed. You see, after smashing a Jessie Hilgenberg (http://jessiefitness.com/) leg workout, I got in the shower to get ready for the day, and there it was- A lump on my left breast, the size of golf ball.  Surely, a 22 year old a girl who was physically active her entire high school and collegiate career, no family history of breast cancer, could have breast cancer, right?! I stood in the shower for what seemed like an eternity just moving the lump around, thinking in disbelief. I put the fear aside, and continued on with my day. Which consisted of, being a passenger in a motor vehicle accident (no injuries- Thank God) and not getting home until midnight that night from the jail. Told ya' a pretty crappy Monday.

*Note that I was NOT doing a monthly breast self exam. I thought I was too young. WRONG! Self-Exams help you to be familiar with how your breasts look and feel so you can alert your healthcare professional if there are any changes. Here's how to do a breast self-exam: (http://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/breast-self-exam). Feel it on the first of every month ladies!!

**I created this blog to tell my breast cancer story, educate individuals about breast cancer, and inspire and give insight to other survivors who are searching for answers about their breast cancer journey- just like I did.  No hate, just love please. <3




A 'selfie' I took dated two days prior to feeling my lump.