How Would You Like Your Eggs?

Morning of the egg retrevial

Now when I was told that my fertility might be compromised during chemotherapy, I never wanted a child more in that instant. Freezing my eggs was the only choice to at having a somewhat ‘normal’ pregnancy. The downfall to completing this procedure is that the fertility clinic was two hours away. I went and did a consult with one of the clinic’s nurses. They completed an ultrasound on my ovaries and not knowing what it would mean, the nurse said I had Polycystic Ovaries (PCOS) (story to follow). Anyway, they ordered my medicine and a few short days later I began injecting myself to begin the process for egg retrieval. Thanks to the Livestrong Foundation, and well I guess being a cancer patient, I was able to complete this process a process valued at $10,000 for free (minus the anesthesia cost).

‘In order to retrieve eggs for freezing, a patient undergoes the same hormone-injection process as in-vitro fertilization. The only difference is that following egg retrieval, they are frozen for a period of time before they are thawed, fertilized and transferred to the uterus as embryos. Once the eggs have adequately matured, they are removed with a needle placed through the vagina under ultrasound guidance. This procedure is done under intravenous sedation and is not painful. The eggs are then immediately frozen. When the patient is ready to attempt pregnancy (this can be several years later) the eggs are thawed, injected with a single sperm to achieve fertilization, and transferred to the uterus as embryos.’

Start of OHSS
Bruising from injections

During the course of two weeks I had to make several trips to Syracuse for them to view how my ovaries were reacting to the hormones.  The process was pretty simple once you get over the fact that you have to give yourself a shot. The day of retrieval came and I was so excited to get this part of the journey over with. They took 35 eggs and the following day it was confirmed that they were able to freeze 32 eggs! It was a little uncomfortable to walk the remainder of the day, and overall just cramp-y.  You bloat up a little bit from the hormones in your lower abdominal area, and that should go away shortly after retrieval. However, for me, it did not- I got bigger. Remember how I mentioned me having PCOS? Well, one of the side effects of egg retrieval in conjunction with PCOS is Ovarian Hyper stimulation Syndrome (OHSS). Hold up, wait, too many acronyms- and I don’t know what you’re talking about.

PCOS is a problem in which a woman's hormones are out of balance (could this be where my cancer came from-perhaps).  It’s more of a genetic disease that comes with several symptoms that tend to be pretty mild at first: acne, trouble losing weight, thicker hair, etc.

Mom always cuddling me to comfort.

Having this fairly rare disease (1 in 10 women) was probably what caused my ovaries to be hyper stimulated. OHSS is where too there is too much hormone medication in your system in which your ovaries become swollen and painful. A small number of women may develop severe OHSS, which can cause rapid weight gain, abdominal pain, vomiting and shortness of breath.

Leaving Syracuse for the final time.
Happy with the news of:
"All tapped out!"

The pain was unbearable; I couldn’t walk, sit, stand, anything without horrible pain coursing through my lower abdomen. I really did not feel good. In essence, my ovaries were put into overdrive by the trigger shot I took that. The HCG in the shot made my ovaries react all bonkers and started to leak fluid, and that fluid started to move into my abdomen.  I had gained almost 20 pounds in just a few short days due to the ‘water weight’. Once I realized this pain was abnormal, and it wasn’t going away. I made a trip to Syracuse to speak to the nurses and doctors about my issue. Treatment for OHSS is only to make you feel more comfortable, and boy was I in pain. The treatment plan is basically the same procedure as the egg retrieval but instead of retrieving eggs, they drain the cavity using a needle.  Sadly, that day was a day I decided to go by myself- HUGE MISTAKE! They wanted to put me under for the procedure, but because I didn’t have a ride, that meant no anesthesia. Naturally, I had psyched myself up to experience the worst pain imaginable, and I wasn’t too far off. However, it was more of a pressure than a pain feeling. They took out 1.5 liters of fluid that day. In the course of the week  I had to travel to Syracuse 4 times to be ‘tapped’ and each time the drained me they took about 2 liters (and no, I never went alone to those appointments after that first one).

So, yes my kids (32 frozen eggs just waiting to be fertilized) were already giving me troubles! However, if it meant that this was my only way of conceiving my own children; I would do it all over again if I had to. It also makes me happy knowing that because I don’t plan on being ‘The Old Lady that Lived in a Shoe’ (having all 32 children) that another woman battling an aggressive cancer and needing to start treatment right away will find comfort knowing that she will be able to have children by using my eggs.

It was rare for me to get cancer, it was rare for me to get PCOS, it was rare for me to have OHSS; quite frankly, I was sick of being unique, and I just wanted to be normal. My normal; whatever that was, before cancer came and made me such a rarity.

XOXO-B

 

 

http://uscfertility.org/egg-freezing-faqs/

http://www.webmd.com/women/tc/polycystic-ovary-syndrome-pcos-topic-overview#1

https://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/polycystic-ovary-syndrome.html

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/ovarian-hyperstimulation-syndrome-ohss/home/ovc-20263580

Ports and Puking

May 3, 2016—Port Surgery



We had to wait a little over a month to get all of our ducks in a row before proceeding. The plan at my place of work was to send me to training to become a forensic interviewer, because I was unsure of how sick I was going to be during treatment, I thought it was best that I go to training before I started treatment. Then the following week I was undergoing the steps to freeze my eggs. I ended up having to miss a planned vacation with my brother, sister-in-law and niece to Disney World.  Sadly, I had to miss the picture below in person, so I could create memories with her, and my own children at Disney in the future.

 

The Chemo-Port

 

 

The surgery for my chemo port is actually my first real surgery besides getting my tonsils taken out in the third grade. A port (chemo port-a catheter) is a nifty little device that they put in you to receive chemotherapy. Because thye medicine given during chemo can burn you veins, I was strongly suggested to get this device, and looking back now, I’m glad I did. They can take blood samples, and give you your chemo treatment all through your port, in essence, fewer needles, less pokes, less pain.  Advice: ask for lidocaine cream to apply a half hour before your chemo appointment, and you won’t even feel that needle.

The special soap to shower with

Learn more about chemo ports here: http://www.cancer.net/navigating-cancer-care/how-cancer-treated/chemotherapy/catheters-and-ports-cancer-treatment

They give you this special soap to shower with the night before surgery. You not allowed to eat or drink past midnight. I walked in fairly confident, but, as soon as they gave me the gown to put on, it became real again. You see, I really didn’t feel like I was sick or I had cancer until I was in the hospital. It hit me, that they were going to put this device in, theoretically to help save my life, I saw it as the device that was going to help kill every good and bad cell in my body. Anyway, the  day of surgery you have to submit a urine sample, to ensure that you’re not pregnant. I believe I was in and out of the O.R. in two hours or so. Your mind plays tricks on you, you lead yourself to believe that things will be worse than they are, and in retrospect, port surgery was one of the easiest parts of this process.

You’re a little sore for a few days afterword’s, but completely manageable with pain killers and in fact Tylenol. However--- ADVICE: let your body rest, and always eat before you take a pain pill.



Bandage is where the port was placed.

However, the next day, I tried to be superwoman and go to work. I was scheduled to go to a meeting with a few co-workers in the next county over. I took my scheduled hydrocodone, without breakfast, and just as my ride pulled in the driveway, I got sick. I didn’t want to make Dave’s trip wasted by picking me up, and I didn’t want to call off work, so I grabbed a granola bar, a few grocery bags and jumped into his new-Dodge pickup truck. The meeting was roughly an hour away, my stomach still was not agreeing with me. As we were about five miles away from our destination, I started to feel hot, my throat started to sweat. Oh No! Not in his truck, but yes, I grabbed my grocery bags and got sick two times by the time we reached the courthouse. I felt so embarrassed, and I was afraid that this was what my life was going to be like for the next year so I started crying. Looking back at the story now, it’s not as embarrassing, I’m just glad I didn’t ruin his truck! The funny part of the story though...there was no trashcans outside the courthouse… so, I had to explain to security that they did not want this grocery bag to go through their metal detector, and that they surely didn’t want to look in it. Trying to remain as professional as possible, I informed them of what was in the bag, now realizing I didn’t pose a threat and a little disgusted, the officer let me through to dispose of my bag. I felt sick for the remainder of the day and in fact I had to travel two hours to Syracuse and back that day with mom for an egg appointment, where I continued to get sick while traveling. This cancer journey was sure going to be interesting.

Love Story

In the mix of being forced to make some of the hardest decisions of my life, one of the best things in my life happened. I think it’s time to bring some joy to my blog. April 8, is probably one of the best days of this entire year, and in fact it will be one of the best days of my entire life, no questions asked. In honor of Veteran’s Day, and in chronological order of my hectic life, was the post-deployment ball. Matthew tells the story so much better than I do, but, I will try my best.

Matt has been one of my best friends and biggest supporters since we first were connected three years ago. You see, it all started with a simple Facebook message while he was stationed in Germany; wishing him a Merry Christmas and thanking him for his service. Throughout the following year we messaged randomly catching each other up on our lives. I actually tried to send him a letter during the summer of 2014 to which he claims the mailman never delivered. It wasn’t until a year after my first message to him was when we would first officially meet at the Elmira-Corning Regional Airport. He hadn’t slept in days, hadn’t had a solid meal since he left Germany, all those things would have made me miserable, not him though. He was instantly cracking jokes and a smile never left his face. I enjoyed dinner with him and his family at Applebees, I drove home that night with sore cheekbones from all the laughter, and in that moment I realized how important of a person Matt was going to be in my life.   A week came and went and I found myself back at the airport afraid I had missed his flight, afraid that I didn’t get to say goodbye, and afraid of when I was going to see him again. I ran around the airport tears in my eyes, searching for the man in the camo hat, and when I finally found him a huge relief came across me, I got to wish him off to Germany. We continued to message and skype, and because of the time difference I was staying up well into the night to get to know him better.

However, it wouldn’t be until late October of 2015 when I would see him again. I got to spend two days with Matthew before he would deploy to Afghanistan. Deployment was challenging. I went days without hearing from him, a man I was so accustomed to talking to every single day, all day. I prayed so hard for his safe return, and in those prayers I came to realization that I couldn’t just be friends with Matt anymore, for I had fallen completely and head over heels in love with him. It wasn’t until the tail end of his deployment during another choppy skype call that he asked me to go on a date with him upon his return. Matt was one of the first people I told about my cancer diagnosis, it was only days after his return home, and I think he was in as much shock as I was; however, he assured me that everything was going to be okay.

Fast forward a few weeks to where he asked me to be his date to the post-deployment ball. I have never been more honored to be attached to someone’s hip than Matthews. In fact I have never been more proud of a person than I am him, his work ethic, his dedication, his drive, his sense of humor, the sacrifices he’s made, all of which are qualities that I admired about him.  In a conversation over dinner, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and of course, I couldn’t turn that awesome offer down.

You may be asking what the point of telling our ‘love story’ has to do with my cancer journey. Matthew had every reason to run away and turn his back on me but instead he pursued me and wanted to be by my side through it all. He was committed, he was all in.  *Cue tears now* I was going to become really sick, and no one knew the extent of how sick I was going to be. He knew that I was facing a monster that was set out to destroy me; that I was going to lose my hair, gain weight, get sick, receive scars, have possible infertility issues, and change my physique permanently. If that isn’t unconditional love, I don’t know what is. We built the foundation of our relationship, we built something on what tears other couples apart (3% divorce rate for active duty members in 2014, and 21% divorce rate for woman with a serious illness). He assured me that this was only going to be a hiccup in the grand scheme of things. I’m blessed and so grateful to have such an amazing support team and so many people loving me through this journey.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYNOXRifXKQ

http://www.military.com/daily-news/2015/02/25/military-divorce-rate-hits-lowest-level-in-10-years.html

http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/07/21/sick.couples.o/

 

A Series Of Events- Part 2

The next month and a half was full of several trips to the hospital for appointments; here are a few of the major ones:

March 30, 2016

This is the first time I met with my oncologist Dr. Thakar. I walked in to the department to register and when I looked around; all I saw were people with white hair. I certainly felt like an odd ball, that I didn't belong here. He answered all of the questions we had regarding chemotherapy. He gave us his opinion on what chemotherapy treatment plan he recommended. The plan to being cancer free was to undergo chemotherapy until October or November, complete surgery a month later, and do radiation after if needed, and complete ten years of hormonal therapy.  We discussed how fast I should start treatment, and if I was interested in freezing my eggs. I left this appointment with more questions than I went in with. I was being forced to make decisions about my life that was never in a million years even crossed my mind. I found out that until a plan was set in stone my life was chaotic and frustrating. Not knowing what your next year and half consists of is one of the worst things about cancer, the unknown- your life basically turns into a mess, a mess that you really have no control over.

March 31, 2016

One side effect that chemotherapy has is hair loss. After doing some research I found out that most breast cancer patients lose their hair within the first two weeks of starting chemotherapy. As I have always had relatively long hair I was nervous to see myself in the mirror being bald. As cancer takes all your control of your life away, I wanted to have control over losing my hair. Even getting trims at the hairdresser in the past was traumatic for me. Heck, there was a time in my life where I only would get one hair cut a year, however, I had nothing left to lose. So, on this day, I just walked into a salon at the mall and had them give me a pixie cut- and I LOVED it!

April 4, 2016

Another potential side effect of chemotherapy is that it can affect your heart. Dr. Thakar ordered for me to get an echocardiogram to get a baseline of my heart before starting chemo. An echocardiogram is a test of the action of the heart using ultrasound waves to produce a visual display. This appointment was pretty neat because you get to see and hear your heart. As always, Mom was at this appointment and she teared up stating, “The last time I heard your heartbeat, was when you were inside of me.” She’s been amazing throughout this entire process, and I am so grateful for everything she has done for me.

Read Morea about Echos Here: http://www.webmd.com/heart-disease/echocardiogram          

April 6, 2016

Today was the day we (Mom, Dad and I) would venture into New York City to receive a second opinion at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center (MSKCC). MSKCC was amazing, their staff was so friendly and accommodating I was able to meet with several key players that help treat this disease without having appointments for many of them. I realized while I was there, sitting in the waiting room that there are several young woman under the age of 40 that have been diagnosed with breast cancer. Breast cancer isn’t as taboo in young people as many would think; and in a sense, that was comforting. Dr. Comen, gave us her recommended chemotherapy treatment plan, as did Dr. Kristein about surgery. It was a long day, and now I had to make decisions. The worst part about this is making decisions, I rarely can decide what to have for dinner let alone make life changing decisions about my health. However, I had no choice.

 

A Series Of Events-Part 1

The next month and a half was full of several trips to the hospital for appointments; here are a few of the major ones:

March 24, 2016

A little under a week later I found myself with my dad, stepdad and mom in the office of general surgery. The girl that never broke a bone, never has been really sick, the only surgery she had was a tonsillectomy, was meeting with a breast surgeon. A surgeon that specialized in getting rid of breast cancer—what was going on?! I sat there with my pages upon pages of questions I had for this entire process I was about to begin. It hit me, right there in that office, I had cancer and my life will never be the same, ever.  I’m usually good at holding back tears, but something about this topic made me cry, an inconsolable cry, and it has taken a while to know that it is okay to cry. I met my nurse navigator, who would be the middle man during this entire process. She explained the type of cancer I had, and answered all the questions that she could answer. Then we met with Dr. Gillott, the breast surgeon. He stated that I was the youngest patient he ever had as he examined me. I have come in first several times from various things in my life, and I have wanted to be first at the many things I have pursued, but I never imagined nor did I want to be first at this. His recommendation was a bilateral mastectomy (a surgery to remove both breasts), although I learned that, that is not the only option when it comes to surgery. I really liked Dr. Gillott, and I felt like we clicked, so imagine my emotions when he told me he would be retiring in June and they hadn’t found his replacement yet.  This added a lot of stress, panic, and additional questions that I was not expecting during this process.

March 25, 2016

My cancer is fueled by hormones, which means that my birth control (which controls my hormones) had to go. To remove the Nexplanon in my arm; they give a numbing shot, and cut the skin where the Nexplanon is placed to get it out. What would have been a five minute procedure turned into a half hour procedure, as there was an issue upon removal. Scar number 1 of who knows how many.

March 25, 2016

This was one of the more challenging appointments I had. An MRI is a test that uses magnetic field and pulses of radio wave energy to take pictures of organs and structures inside the body. A breast MRI is more invasive than mammography because a contrast agent is given through an IV before the procedure. You lie face down with your breasts almost in how I can describe them as bottomless squares. The procedure itself is painless once you get your IV put in, but it is extremely loud- it almost sounds like a jackhammer. They give you headphones and let you chose whatever music you want to listen to from Sirius XM Radio you want. They give you a call button that you hold in your hands, you have to lay completely still for the entire process. They take a series of pictures and midway through the procedure they inject the dye (contrast agent) to enhance and improve the pictures.  Overall, the entire process is probably an 45 minutes to an hour.

Almost one hour of lying there in your own thoughts, in a machine that is as big as a car, that sounds as loud as a spaceship taking off- okay that’s doable. They got me all hooked up and they pushed me into the machine. When the machine first started the sound scared the living daylights out of me, something that I just was not expecting. The kind staff at Guthrie- Sayre, allow you to choose what station you want to listen to. I chose to listen to Hits 1 (today’s hits), out of all the hits that could be played during that seemingly short amount of time was Charlie Pouth’s ‘One Call Away’. One week from being diagnosed, one day from being told I was going to lose both my breasts that my appearance as a whole was going to change completely, was this a joke? Was this song really playing during this procedure? I felt my eyes start to water, and I knew that I was on the verge of ugly crying. I laid there in complete silence as the tears poured out of my eyes. I was crying so hard, my breathing became erratic, my nose started to run, and here I had to lie completely still. I couldn’t sit up, I couldn’t wipe my nose, so I laid there; I was determined to not hit the call button, I wanted to get this appointment over with. It took the next few songs for me to collect my composure. However, I was embarrassed when they pulled me out of the machine, for looking like such a mess.

Read Morea bout MRI’s here: http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/magnetic-resonance-imaging-mri#1

Charlie Pouth’s One Call Away: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxuY9FET9Y4

 

 

Happy Birthday- You have cancer!

March 18, 2016



Two days of worrying, wondering, and feeling the lump. No one knew I was expecting a phone call. I had my volume turned up high the entire day and was constantly checking to see if I had a missed call. It was nearing the end of the business day so I assumed that it wouldn’t be until Monday to hear about my results. I was at the gym, working out with two of my good friends Steph and Brit, we call ourselves the “She Squad,“ I’m not sure if we do more working out or gossiping when were together- either way  it’s always a good time well spent.  Then I felt my phone vibrating, when I looked down and noticed the 888 number, I contemplated even answering the phone for fear of what they had to say. Here I had been waiting all day for the call to come through and now I didn’t want to answer it.



'She Squad' moments before I got the results.



The phone call only lasted a couple minutes: enough for the lady to say that my results of my biopsy came back positive and rattled off the cancer I had and when my next appointment was. I remember only letting a few tears out before trying to find a piece of paper to write my appointment down. They didn’t ask if I was alone or if it was a good time (but then again- when is it ever a good time to be told you have cancer) they just gave me news that has changed my life for forever and hung up the phone. Yes, I was diagnosed with the second leading cause of death the day before I turned 23. The first two people who knew about my life altering news was Steph and Brit, and they did an amazing job at sidetracking me long enough to finish our work out and get me on my way home.

Birthday lunch with Mom the day after diagnosis.

Nothing. There is absolutely nothing in this world that you can do to prepare yourself to hear the words you have cancer. In fact, when you’re a single recent college graduate you think you have the world in the palm of your hands- you can do anything, well anything within your credit card limit I suppose. It’s like you’re watching TV and the power goes off, you’re sitting alone in the dark with your own thoughts-and that can be the scariest thing imaginable. Even though I was diagnosed; the reality of it all, had not ‘hit me’ yet. I was so naive about how truly life changing this experience was going to be.

So, what type of cancer do I have? I was diagnosed with Stage 2 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC), approximately 1.3CM, Estrogen Receptor (ER) 91%, Progesterone Receptor (PgR) 87% and HER2+. That’s a mouth full, right? IDC is the most common type of breast cancer diagnosis, including men. IDC means that the cancer started in my milk ducts and had started to spread to the surrounding breast tissue. Over time, invasive ductal carcinoma can spread to the lymph nodes and possibly to other areas of the body. Thankfully, to a later MRI, I had no lymph node involvement.  I’m also triple positive (ER/PR/HER2), meaning my cancer is also fueled by the hormones estrogen and progesterone and a growth-promoting protein called HER2/neu. IDC is only 1 of the 14 types of breast cancer.

Read More about IDC: http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/types/idc

Read More about the different types of breast cancer: http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/types.

So, who do you tell and when? Whoever and whenever is the answer to that. I told my parents. I told my siblings over the phone that weekend.  I told my bosses the following Monday that were super supportive and have been throughout my entire treatment. I told my closest friends and family through a mass message because I personally did not want to tell twenty different people that I have cancer twenty different times. You aren’t mandated to tell anyone, although, if you have been recently diagnosed I hope that you have an amazing support system to turn to—USE THEM! When I was first diagnosed I didn’t really want people to know, they were going it figure out sooner or later by themselves anyways. Also, for those who have been recently diagnosed, the first couple of months are the hardest dealing with people- that’s the one and only downfall of having an amazing support system and a group of people that care so much about you! It was amazing to know that so many people cared about me and wanted to know how I was doing and if I needed anything, but updating everyone can be overwhelming- it will seem like your phone is constantly going off, but that’s only temporary. Once the initial shock of you being diagnosed wears off, it calms down.

 

Just remember that this only temporary. Your life has just been flipped upside down. You have lots of questions, and not knowing the answers is scary. Not knowing what is going to happen next is even scarier. Cancer just came in like a tornado on your life ransacking all the future plans you had. No, it’s not fair. However, I do know that your life is not over. This will be the toughest year of your life without a doubt, but it’s only one year. One miserable, frustrating, challenging, annoying, depressing, sick year out of a magnificent and beautiful life that is ahead of you once you kick cancers' ass.

 

 

 

 

Ultrasounds, Mammograms, and Biopsies- OH MY!

It took almost a month to make an appointment.  It took a month of closet feeling my breast-- a month of worrying. I was probably touching my lump a hundred times a day to see if it had changed at all. I was even probably doing it in public and not even noticing.

March 4, 2016- Working a full time job and two part time jobs, it’s incredibly hard to find a mutually convenient time in your schedule to make a doctor’s appointment without having to call off of work.  I went to the walk in clinic and I was informed they did not do anything related to breast lumps or pain. However, after expressing my scheduling conflicts a sweet nurse and doctor did an examination on me and referred me to get an ultrasound done. Which I ended up having to reschedule due to work reasons.

March 11, 2016- I finally got an appointment that worked with my work schedule. An emergency room case came in resulting in me sitting in the waiting room for two hours. I couldn’t attend the appointment, because a case was coming into the center and I needed to get back to work.

March 16, 2016- I was the first patient to be seen. They did an ultrasound first.

An ultrasound uses sound waves to produce pictures of the inside of the body. It’s a pretty painless procedure, although there is some pressure, and it was a tad bit uncomfortable when they examined around the lump. They took what seemed to be like 1,000 images, which when you’re lying on an exam table with your arms above your head, in a gown that has been worn by several hundred woman, your mind can only race to all the things that could possibly be wrong with you. They wanted to do a mammogram to clarify whatever they saw on the ultrasound screen. A mammogram?! Aren’t those for old ladies? (Compared to my age yes- women are recommended to start getting mammograms at the age of 40). I’ve only been told horror stories about how much it hurts to get your boobs ‘squished’ in this machine, and at this point I was terrified. I texted my mom and let her know that they wanted to do the mammogram, to which she started to worry.

Mammograms are x-ray exams of the breast. They are most often used to screen for breast cancer in women who have no symptoms. Mammograms and other breast imaging tests can also be used in women who have breast symptoms, such as a lump or pain, or who have a suspicious change seen on a screening mammogram.  The machine has 2 plates that compress or flatten the breast to spread the tissue apart not entirely painful, just uncomfortable and a lot of pressure. They put markers or stickers on you that are designed to show up on the mammogram, without hiding any breast tissue. They adhere to the surface of the skin and mark out and help locate a spot, such as nipples or if/where the lump is. Read More about Mammograms Here: (http://www.cancer.org/healthy/findcancerearly/examandtestdescriptions/mammogramsandotherbreastimagingprocedures/mammograms-and-other-breast-imaging-procedures-toc)

As the nurse positioned my breast up on the glass, tears ran down my face. I couldn’t wipe the tears away, because you have to stand perfectly still to get the best image possible. I joked with the nurse apologizing that my 36B’s weren’t bigger and she said that it doesn’t matter what size your breasts are.  The mammogram images must not have proven better news as they ordered a biopsy of the lump. By this time my step-father Wade had showed up to be with me so I wasn’t alone.

A biopsy removes cells or tissue from the suspicious area of the breast. I had a needle biopsy which uses a hollow needle to remove samples of tissue or cells from the breast.  The cells or tissue are studied under a microscope to see if cancer is present. When they explain the procedure it sounds like it’s going to hurt, however, the only real pain I felt with it is the numbing shot they give before they took the sample. The sound of the samples being taken almost sounds like a piercing gun. I only felt one of the seven samples they took. They give you little ice packs that fit comfortable in your bra. To reduce bruising they tell you to apply pressure-awkward.  It will bruise, and be sore for a while. Read More about biopsies here: http://ww5.komen.org/BreastCancer/Biopsies.html

After the samples were collected the doctor came back in and said that the hospital would call with the results in approximately two days. I remember asking “Resulting what? If I have… cancer?” That word chilled me to the bone and I instantly started crying. However, the doctor said to not worry because I’m so young the chances of it actually being cancer are slim to none—ha. So I left the hospital and went to work, applying pressure to my breast for the remainder of the day.

Advice: Don’t let your ego get in your way. If something is not right with you, make yourself first priority and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. <3

Dear Monday: Go step on a Lego

February 22, 2016---Monday.

The Mondayest Monday that could have ever Mondayed. I got up early like I normally did on Monday's. Mondays before being diagnosed were the longest days of the week. I'd start the day being at the gym at 6AM for a workout, followed by my job as a family advocate, then I'd go work second shift as a correctional officer. Mondays were long and I spent most of my Sunday, like most, dreading that the weekend was over and that the worst day of the week was a wake up away. However, this Monday proved to be completely different. This Monday, my life changed, the change just was not confirmed. You see, after smashing a Jessie Hilgenberg (http://jessiefitness.com/) leg workout, I got in the shower to get ready for the day, and there it was- A lump on my left breast, the size of golf ball.  Surely, a 22 year old a girl who was physically active her entire high school and collegiate career, no family history of breast cancer, could have breast cancer, right?! I stood in the shower for what seemed like an eternity just moving the lump around, thinking in disbelief. I put the fear aside, and continued on with my day. Which consisted of, being a passenger in a motor vehicle accident (no injuries- Thank God) and not getting home until midnight that night from the jail. Told ya' a pretty crappy Monday.

*Note that I was NOT doing a monthly breast self exam. I thought I was too young. WRONG! Self-Exams help you to be familiar with how your breasts look and feel so you can alert your healthcare professional if there are any changes. Here's how to do a breast self-exam: (http://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/breast-self-exam). Feel it on the first of every month ladies!!

**I created this blog to tell my breast cancer story, educate individuals about breast cancer, and inspire and give insight to other survivors who are searching for answers about their breast cancer journey- just like I did.  No hate, just love please. <3




A 'selfie' I took dated two days prior to feeling my lump.